My therapist doesn’t think I am telling the truth when I say my mom has special powers. She says she doesn’t trust my mom and thinks my mom lied and manipulated me into thinking she has special powers.
It is true my mom would medicate me often with mood altering drugs. When I think back, things seem blurry and scary about her. I think of fires and ceremonies to demonstrate her power.
My mom always knew what I was doing, and controlled everything about me. She decided whether I would eat, sleep, talk, or be hurt. In essence, she decided whether I lived or died.
My mom’s energy force is getting weak. I haven’t talked to her, but I can feel it. She is getting old, frail, and demented.
I am worried she is going to die. While others inside me would be happy about that, I wonder what it means to me or us.
I fear without her we will die also. She has had total control of most of us, so what does it mean to have her no longer there?
My therapist thinks it will be a good thing to no longer have her around, but she doesn’t understand. When someone controls your every move your entire life, you can’t just remove the person and think things will be good or even fine.
A person needs to know how to live. How to make decisions. My mom was literally blurred into my physical body–there were no boundaries. I have no sense of self without her.
I keep thinking of conjoined twins that need to be separated. If it is not done with extreme precision, they both die.