Living or dying in the safety of my bed

For a little over 17 months I have stayed most of my days in the safety of my bed. I don’t know how this happened. It was not a conscious decision on my part, but it has served to protect me from a sometimes scary world and dangerous people.

I didn’t always think this way. I am guessing the calamity of traumatic and stressful events in my life led me here. My brain was no longer the brain I was used to.

I was like the newly paralyzed person telling my legs and body to move, and it would refuse. Or, I was bargaining with myself that I would get up and walk for 15 minutes tomorrow if I didn’t have to do it today. Those tomorrows never met their end of the deal.

This starring at the wall or into nothingness is going to kill me if I do not figure out how to live out of my bed.

My body is wasting away literally. I am out of breath with the slightest movement. My body hurts when it is used now.

I pray I can get my mental health and health back before my life is taken from me. I want to live and see my children grow up. I worry I have taken it too far this time, though I still don’t know how to get myself out of bed.

Hoping for answers and solutions soon.

Peace