Heading to treatment

Well, the day is finally here and I am heading to treatment to work on some issues, mainly my depression and anxiety that keeps me from getting out of bed.

I haven’t been functioning at work, in my family, with my friends, and life in general for 17 months now. 

I have learned that my system is split about my past therapist who abandoned me. Some believe we cannot get over our childhood abandonment and abuse by my mother unless we correct the relationship with this past therapist. Others know she is not good for us, will never work with us again, and realize that she is a damaged narcissist like my mom, and we need to stay away from her. This “double bind” is keeping us stuck.

I am holding out hope that this treatment experience will help me get unstuck. I am going to Sierra Tucson, which is not like any treatment experience I have had before. I like that they offer a holistic treatment approach that includes massage, energy work, EMDR, exercise, group and individual therapy, equine therapy, acupuncture, and some other good stuff. I won’t be on a locked unit, so I am happy about that.

My biggest fear of going into this treatment center is that they don’t have soda which I am majorly addicted to, and no candy!!!! Haha. Guess that is good that is my biggest worry at the moment. I am going to have a crappy withdrawal from it since I have been living off of soda instead of food for a long time now.

They do an individual treatment plan that is really individual, not like the hospital programs. I am doing my best to keep an open mind and believe this will help me. 

It will be hard to be away from my family for this long, but if it works, it will be worth it for them.

I hope to be able to post from time to time while there, but it looks like they keep us really busy, so we’ll see.

First up today, pass their psych test so they don’t think I am going to kill myself and can handle the program.

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